Is the problem delegating the list? or is the list itself the problem? We live in a time that is simultaneously impacted by entitlement/laziness/compulsively seeking comfort and radically overactive/anxious thought patterns. It can be difficult in creating goals in couples counseling when the two partners perceive the root problem to be different. And we arrive [...]
“Control Yourself!” Who is being asked to control who?
Life has a major dilemma in how we navigate the intersection between community and cultural expectations with spiritual and psychological realities. Further, Ironically ;), the only reason there is a dilemma is that we believe and require for this dilemma to be navigated or controlled in the first place. In relation to the concept of control, the [...]
Teenagers and Anxiety
In this Post I will briefly share some helpful observations pertaining to Teenagers and anxiety. I will be offering some themes - and some easy to use solutions. What is Anxiety? Psychological Fear: Anxiety is essentially psychological fear (fear that comes from thoughts) – ex.fear of possible rejection, fear of failing, fear or being [...]
The Tide
The Tide We live within the tidal zone Transient beauty at the edge of a vast ocean We breathe when the moon pulls back the waters We nourish when the ocean flows with bounty The tides always change The ocean resolves to consume and abandon She is neither bad nor good She is of [...]
What is the Purpose of Government?
In this post, we will talk about the purpose which is driving the Government's operating system. Many of us are ready for significant change - the desire for a more useful system of government is something that people from all political parties are yearning for... Our government is currently dividing us... making us have awkward to emotionally [...]
Invalidating Communication | What not to do when offering emotional support
For this post, I will list the most common disruptive communication mechanisms/patterns that people use when receiving another person's emotions. People come into my office all the time asking for assistance with communication, loneliness, and lacking connection. In other posts I have described what 'to do' when your goals are to be compassionately empathetic - for this post, [...]
Helping Diabetes Management in Teens | Identifying the barriers to achieving desired A1C
Assisting people with improved diabetes management behaviors has been a specialty of mine in my psychotherapy practice since 2009. My Wife has a been a senior research coordinator at the Barbara Davis Center for Childhood Diabetes in Denver since 2006, and through bonding with her passion to assist in this area, I have developed my own modes [...]
Does laziness cause depression or does depression cause laziness?
There will not be an answer to this question that is true for everyone - instead, I think that this is an interesting question to ask one's self as the answer would lend itself to a different form of intervention. "Is my depression the result of my being lazy... or does my depression cause me to [...]
Choice and quality of life | What choice, if removed, would most positively impact your well being?
the United States is home to many many sub-cultures and there also exists a meta-culture which has a strong influence on all the diverse groups that make up the nation. Perhaps the most prolific attributes of the meta-culture (the US culture) is our love for freedom and choice. Choice is often looked at very dichotomously in our [...]
Solutions and Causes of Anxiety
For this post, I will outline all the different causes of anxiety. I will break my list into categories and sub-categories (note: there will be overlap - for example, emotional anxiety can cause cognitive anxiety. and ultimately every form of anxiety has biological manifestations). 1st we need to address the reality that Anxiety in 100% necessary [...]
Concrete vs Abstract responsibility for teenagers
Many Teenagers are struggling to complete the tasks that they are responsible for... often times their achievement is interrupted due to the fact that they view the tasks as meaningless or irrelevant to their life. The "meaningless and irrelevant" assertion is often infuriating to parents and to the school system... We can have a very difficult [...]
Intentionality and Happiness | How life choices are impacted by purpose
When you reflect on the major life choices that you have been making over the past few years can you identify a theme? what purpose are you trying to achieve? Lately, I have been observing the interplay of intentionality and happiness... the relationship between the two variables is very often symbiotic or reciprocal = Increasing [...]
Double Binded Communication
Often we send 'mixed messages' to people. It can be a source of dis-ease in a relationship when a partner or loved one is giving you two opposing messages at the same time. This creates a double-bind as there is not an effective way to respond correctly to the communication. Most commonly the opposing messages are [...]
Addiction, Self-determination, Flow, Mindfulness, Culture, Emotional Intelligence, and Human Bonding
Addiction, Self-determination, Flow, Mindfulness, Culture, Emotional Intelligence, and Human Bonding What are the components of addiction? why is addiction less desirable? and what aptitudes help us to avoid addiction? “Let's Turn the conversation towards Efficiency and Away from Morals” The Psychobiological and Relational causes of undesired, addictive, and compulsory behavior: Flow (peak experience) - Humans are [...]
The Relativity of Oppression
Oppression exists, and much like other abstractions, oppression is often cognitively enmeshed with content or with something more concrete. There is often a more tangible entity that gets labeled as 'oppressive' or as the 'oppressor'... through time we often allow for more tangible entities (such as a person, lifestyle, belief system etc) to be labeled [...]
The Relationship between Anxiety and Attention
Attention is a learn-able skill There are many famous quotes and affirmations spoken through the years that point to the humbling truth that most suffering never actually happened ... of course this is only partially true as we can all speak to the suffering involved in having a high level of anxiety. it isn't that [...]
Do you Like your self when you are with this person?
I had a client share an age old piece of wisdom with me a couple months ago - he said that he often asks himself the following question when evaluating his relationships: "Do I Like myself when I am with this person?" "do I like who I am when I am with this person?" this [...]
Bottom Up and Top Down interventions to support regulation
In this post we will be exploring what people mean by 'bottom up" and "top down" interventions and how you can use this information is relevant to regulation when we are emotionally overwhelmed. In the field of psychotherapy/psychology there is a strange debate right now about whether bottom up models or top down models are [...]
Fear, Competence, Values and Anger in Parenting Rambunctious Children
This post will investigate how our perceived parenting competence impacts our fear and resulting emotional and behavioral reactions. We will focus on how fear can lead us into parenting interventions that are not consistent with our parenting values. I was offering a parenting coaching intervention in a couples context the other week and I arrived [...]
When Attachment Theory and Existentialism Compete
In this post I will be investigating the relationships between one's core sense of purpose in life (existentialism) and contrasting that with the most basic needs associated with human bonding (attachment theory). The question that I am playing around with is: "Are there some people who have a life purpose which is incongruent with maintaining [...]