Quick summary: Most people both consciously and unconsciously and both intentionally and unintentionally present themselves with different characteristics, beliefs, opinions, dispositions, emotionality, and behaviors etc in different settings. Who is the real you? How are different settings encouraging you to present your self in a certain way? If you closely examine the expectations of your different settings you can gain a degree of insight into why you act, think, and emote differently in different situations. For some, with insight comes a degree of freedom… freedom to present your self the way you wish to, as opposed to offering the self which your setting encourages you to be. Sometimes your setting encourages you to be the self which you would like to be… sometimes you feel uncomfortable with the self that you present… by examining your many selves and the different expectations of your different setting you can gain more control of the self you present in different situations.
Monthly Archives: May 2011
Problems sleeping? 10 Tips to help you sleep
Quick summary: I am giving you 10 tips that will lead you to create and maintain a healthy sleep cycle. Sleep is vital for optimal health… you owe it to yourself to dedicate yourself to a good night of sleep. If you can stay dedicated you should be able to create a stable sleep cycle with these 10 tips in just under a month with improvements surfacing in about 10 days. This is not solely based on the sleep studies that are widely circulated… this worked for me when nothing else did. Change often requires a degree of sacrifice… try this for a month and then do a cost benefit analysis… I would suggest that the benefits will greatly surpass your expectations.
Overcoming addiction to substance – find a replacement behavior that offers a comparable result – hope involves you being both reasonable and honest with yourself
Quick summary: Overcoming a substance addiction can be truly difficult as the majority of substances that people become addicted to offer: significant results, consistent results, fast onset, and results with little to no effort. The reasonable way to overcome an addiction is to isolate what emotional state (happy, uninhibited, spiritual, relaxed, euphoric, carefree, distracted etc) you are trying to achieve with the substance and then isolate and engage in an alternative or a replacement behavior(s) that can lead to the desired emotional disposition (example: if you are trying to feel uninhibited what else can you do to attain such a feeling with less consequences?). Let me be very honest with you… it is rare to find a replacement behavior that will match the ‘quick onset’ and ‘lack of effort’ characteristics of a substance… In short, your replacement behavior will likely require more effort and the emotional disposition that you are trying to achieve will likely take a bit longer to achieve. For most people it is subjectively “more difficult” to attain a desired emotional disposition with a healthy replacement behavior than it is to ingest a substance. Being hopeful involves being both reasonable and honest… many substance abuse programs are therefore selling false hope in my opinion. There seems to be a belief that being honest about the effectiveness of substances impedes recovery… I am suggesting an alternative view… this is my view: substances are incredibly effective and there is no easier way of achieving a desired emotional disposition than to ingest something… healthier behaviors that can elicit the same emotional dispositions have far fewer consequences, often have other wellness benefits (to your physical, emotional, relational and social health), they can have more long lasting results (the emotional doesn’t always leave when the substance leaves your body), and they can help you achieve the desired emotional disposition without a disruptive dependence (you can embrace freedom)… in short the replacement is better for you, and the substance will be easier for you.
Setting realistic expectations and living within those realistic expectations…
Quick summary: When you desire a change or when you desire a certain set outcome, it is helpful to offer acceptance to your limitations so as to live with realistic expectations. To attain a sense of self which is congruent with our most basic intention is can be helpful to allow certain boundaries and guidelines into your life. By setting up realistic expectations we can limit the prevalence and influence of certain stimuli in our lives.
Premarital counseling questions | life long commitment questionnaire | questions for a long & happy relationship
Quick summary: This is a premarital or a life long commitment questionnaire that I developed to encourage partners to talk openly about subjects that tend to have a significant impact on the success of a marriage or other long-term relationships. This questionnaire is suitable for people of all different cultures and religions and for any two people who desire a lasting relationship. It is often very helpful to seek out the assistance of a therapist for such an exercise as some of the questions can be rather difficult; a therapist can help a couple to process their answers in a safe and constructive fashion. To therapists I would suggest that you read the questions and have the couples answer the questions to each other (have them face each other and not you the therapist). A therapist should tell the clients that they can ask for assistance in a future session if any subjects need more therapeutic attention… without this disclaimer it could be rather difficult to finish the questionnaire in a single session (if you have no such time constraints than you can decide with your clients what the ideal process would look like).
Strength Based Therapy – what it means
“most people are very good at articulating their problems and their faults… they are seeking my help to acknowledge and to understand their strengths and potential solutions… it is my job to ensure that the therapy session balances problems with solutions and perceived faults with perceived strengths.”
Understanding how your Values impact the choices that you make
In this context I will use the word ‘values’ as having the following definition – a ‘value’ is an emotional state or character attribute that you desire to live within or to be defined by; If you value feeling in control you will make behavioral choices that you believe will lead you to acquiring the relevant emotional disposition… if you value being defined as independent you will make decisions that you believe will assist you in displaying that attribute. By understanding our values we can get a better understanding of what is driving us to engage in certain behavioral patterns. As we gain a greater understanding of our values we can free ourselves to either change an ‘outdated’ or otherwise unwanted value, or we can come up with new behaviors that will help us to arrive at the desired value with fewer consequences. Often times we find that we are stuck in a pattern of behaviors that are not helping us to achieve a desired value.
Narrative therapy summary
Quick summary: My intention is to tell you what techniques can be used in narrative therapy, and why you would use them.
Creating Motivation for the Change Process – Why creating a mental image of the ‘new you’ works
Quick summary: I am going to explain a theory as to why visualizing the ‘changed’ or ‘new’ you can have a positive impact on your motivation and therefore a positive impact on your ability to meet your goals. Pop psychology and positive psychology have been telling the public to ‘think positive” and to “tell the world what you want instead of what you do not want” for years. The strategy can be effective for some, but it seems that the concepts have been so oversold that skepticism has arrived. I am going to offer a very simple visualization technique with a new reason as to why I believe this technique is effective (I have been using this technique for myself quite a lot lately with awesome results). Visualizing yourself as having achieved your goal can give you a positive feeling that may counter the impact of the negative feelings you consciously or unconsciously associate with the process of changing.
The Oppression of Creativity and Progression – How regulation, oversight, managed care, and “Big Brother” oppress growth
Quick summary: When a person or system gains power they have the choice to use that power to implement and oversee regulations intended to bring the masses to conform to a truth which was suggested by the relevant power. ‘Knowledge’ then becomes an oppressive tool used by the power to convince people of an absolute truth with the end goal of exerting its intention on the population. The power is very often unaware that they are oppressive… in fact the power often believes that it is being helpful in that it is proliferating a helpful ‘truth’ to the masses. The problem is that when the public rigidly holds onto a truth the process of creativity is diminished (as you no longer need to create anything because the power already found ‘the truth’).There is no end to the evolution of consciousness and as such there is no end to the creative potential of consciousness (we are embodiments of consciousness = you are conscious = your creative potential is infinite). When the power imposes regulation, standards, and oversight intended to bring the population to conform to their ‘truth’ which they substantiate with ‘knowledge’ they intentionally or unintentionally hinder creativity. In short, the power says,” this is the ‘right way’ to do things based on these ‘facts’ and it is in the best interest of the public that we implement oversight to ensure everyone is doing things the ‘right way’… we will put regulation in place to ensure that there are no deviations from our set protocols.” deviations are creations – without deviations there is no creativity and therefore no progression or evolution of consciousness. There is hope… open-mindedness and acceptance can counter power as those two attributes help us to see that truth is relative and ever evolving… there are no absolute truths.
Logical Reason to Change – The Inevitability of Anxiety Whether You Change or Not
Quick summary: Most people have something about themselves or their life situation that they desire to change. Unconsciously and consciously we avoid change because there is anxiety and perceived difficulty inherent in the process of changing. My purpose here is to point out a very common misconception – the misconception is that you can avoid anxiety by avoiding change. When you have a desire to change there is a degree of unrest or dissonance (in this context this means that there is a conflict between who you are and who you wish to be) that you are already carrying – this unrest… this dissonance carries anxiety with it. Therefore it is logical to change as anxiety is a constant… meaning you will carry anxiety whether you change or not. Change will likely bring positives to your life and the anxiety of that change will cease to exist once the change has manifested… once your desire becomes reality there is no longer a reason to change and therefore the anxiety will go away as there is no longer dissonance or the process of change.
What does LPC, LSW, LMFT, PsyD, PHD, LCSW, MD, MS, MA stand for?
LPC = Licensed Professional Counselor, LMFT = Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, LSW = Licensed Social Worker, LCSW = Licensed Clinical Social worker, PHD = Doctor of Philosophy, Psy D = Doctor of Psychology, MD = Doctor of Medicine, MA = Master of Arts, MS = Master of Science
Why might we be misinformed about human sexuality?
Quick summary: Why might we be misinformed about human sexuality? I will isolate some themes to help people to understand why our at times distorted view of sexuality is actually quite understandable given the circumstances.
What is Transference in psychotherapy – placing emotional reactions related to another onto the therapist
Quick summary: Transference = when you transfer an emotion meant for one person onto a different person. Transference is unconscious = the person is not aware that they are doing it (though they can be made aware). Transference happens in psychotherapy when a client places an emotional reaction that is related to someone in his or her personal life onto the therapist (ex. the client claims to feel belittled by the therapist when in actuality the client feels belittled by his/her father… transference can occur before the therapist has a chance to “do” anything to incite the given emotional reaction). The client believes that the therapist is the source of their emotional reaction when in fact the emotion has nothing to do with the therapist, as the therapist was generally not present when the emotion was initially created.
What is Love? How do I know if I am in love or have experienced love? Love is selflessness and felt security… love is also a physical and emotional feeling
Quick summary: The reason that love is so difficult to define has much to do with the fact that the word “love” means far too many things in the English language. I will define the three most common definitions of love. Love is a euphoric to terrifying rollercoaster ride of emotions, love is a label for something we enjoy and would like to experience with great frequency, and love is when a relationship offers felt security, deep attachment, selflessness, and a place to freely experience authenticity (the real you… the you that is allowed to be vulnerable, confident and honest).
7 Health and Weight loss tips from a psychotherapist who is married to a nutritionist
Quick summary: My wife, Franziska Bishop, is a Master’s level nutritionist who writes a really awesome nutrition blog www.justalittlechocolate.com . For this post I am going to be extremely brief and quickly tell you a few tricks that I have picked up from my wife that have been immensely beneficial to my ability to maintain optimal health.
Why are people Defensive? Reducing the anxiety of change
Defensiveness is a behavior that people consciously and unconsciously engage in to avoid the anxiety which inevitably arrives with change. Change requires us to drop our perceptions of permanence… this means that when we change we are offered an experienced example of how our concept of self is ever transient… it can feel uncomfortable to be reminded that who we think that we are is not quite as fixed or stable as we like to believe. People are often defensive to maintain the illusion of an unchanging identity… the belief is that if you defend against suggestions of change you will be able to avoid the anxiety involved in altering your identity or your beliefs. Of course people are also defensive when they fear that your suggestions will have a negative impact on beliefs, people, and organizations etc that are very important to them… In this way people are defending against a perceived threat. For this piece I will be talking about defensiveness when a change is proposed that could be perceived as beneficial by the person receiving the suggestion… when a person is willing to consider that the suggested change might be in their best interest.