Addiction, Self-determination, Flow, Mindfulness, Culture, Emotional Intelligence, and Human Bonding What are the components of addiction? why is addiction less desirable? and what aptitudes help us to avoid addiction? “Let’s Turn the conversation towards Efficiency and Away from Morals” The Psychobiological and Relational causes of undesired, addictive, and compulsory behavior: Flow (peak experience) – Humans are […]
Category Archives: Individual Growth
Do you Like your self when you are with this person?
I had a client share an age old piece of wisdom with me a couple months ago – he said that he often asks himself the following question when evaluating his relationships: “Do I Like myself when I am with this person?” “do I like who I am when I am with this person?” this […]
Breathe before you help others to breathe
You settle into your seat on the airplane and right before takeoff you hear the familiar mantra: “In the event of pressure loss in the cabin, oxygen masks will deploy from the ceiling above you… please safely secure your own mask before attempting to assist others…” We all hear this and end up remaining […]
Hope in a space of Hopelessness
Quick summary: In this post I will offer a metaphor that sheds light on a common misperception of hope – being that hope is connected only to concrete outcomes… that hope is a belief that things will one day be what they are not ever to be. Instead perhaps there can be hope for a […]
Reflection and Psychotherapy
Reflection is the ability to hold a stimulus in the present moment without reacting automatically. In a state of reflection, a person can notice or observe the presence of a thought or feeling that they are experiencing… noticing or observing can then lead to two different reflective actions; either the person can continue to observe […]
The difference between good intentions and good actions = understanding, humility, and empathy
There are many saying about how many “evil actions” have been the result of good intentions. So how are we to know if our actions are good? Are there actions which are indisputably wrong and indisputably right? Instead of going into a heady philosophical investigation as to why good and bad are infinitely one, inseparable, and transient constructs of the collective… let us move forward with some thoughts on how to ensure that your good intentions can do better at manifesting good actions.
Face your Suffering on your way towards Freedom and Balance | The Effects of Resistance
There is a widely held belief (especially by males) that it is a person’s duty in life to “just get over it” … which in my experience entails using a great deal of energy to deny and repress what is.
Dialectics – open your mind and balance will occur naturally
Quick summary: There are many different definitions of what “dialectic” means and most are relatively related while others are a bit different (the Hindu and the Buddhist dialectics are more similar than the Socratic dialectic). I intend to talk about Dialects as a subject which helps us to experience the idea that all things are both “good” and “bad” at the same time. The purpose of such a discussion is to propose that people whom you disagree with are not wrong per say… they simply hold a different opinion or perspective. I am not trying to create indifference regarding the actions that you or anybody else would take… by accepting dialectics we can free ourselves from the judgments of our minds; which I believe leads us naturally towards engaging in actions that promote systemic harmony
Authenticity and Stress | you are healthiest when you are your real self | “don’t plant corn in the sand”
You are the you that you are supposed to be… allow yourself to have the humility to let yourself be as you truly are.
Drink too much? Try being yourself in your life… choose to stop inhibiting yourself
Many people find themselves drinking significant amounts of alcohol to uninhibited themselves… there is a simple and perhaps strange question that doesn’t seem to be given enough space or attention surrounding our drinking culture… I am not arguing here that there are not indeed some rather positive benefits of overindulgence, and by looking at these positive benefits we can isolate a need that we might have for ourselves.
Overcoming anger | are you angry with another or are you truly angry with your self?
Quick summary: the answer to the title question is almost invariably “both”, but to move forward with the false dichotomy noted I am going to comment on how anger is often an emotion that we feel for ourselves…though we are often quick to blame something external for our feelings. Though the environment might have done something to encourage distasteful feelings, often it is how we reacted – how we chose to defend or not defend ourselves, which are the source of the deeper and perhaps more significant source of anger.
Why should I focus on my Breathing? – Worry reduction.
Quick summary –Normally breathing is something which is done automatically – you don’t think about breathing it just happens. When you intentionally focus on your breathing you give your mind something to do and this limits your minds ability to worry, which is often the source of your distress. Breathing is happening in the present moment (as opposed to the future or the past) – when breathing is done intentionally our minds must focus on the present moment (and generally speaking there is often nothing to worry about that is occurring at your present location in the present moment).
Euphoria and gratitude… a runners high at 9,000 feet
Quick summary: If you can teach yourself to feel gratitude for a greater diversity of things… then you can add a positive association to any experience that you want.
Jung’s Theory of Synchronicity, Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious
Quick summary: I have been reading a great book titled the ‘Tao of Psychology’ which spends a good deal of time explaining Jung’s theory of archetypes, the collective unconscious and synchronicity. My intention is to make these very abstract concepts more accessible so that more people can receive guidance by paying attention to the subjective meaning that they might assign to synchronistic events. In simple terms – life gives you signs… if you pay attention the signs can help you.
Addiction Intervention Debate | Increasing Freedom by fostering an increase in consciousness, reflective ability, and emotional availability | Is there always a choice or are certain stimuli too controlling?
This post will talk about the different views on treating substance abuse by looking at the themes of determinism, reflective ability, mindfulness, self-awareness of a person’s emotional self, moral compass, freedom, disassociation, empathy, and addiction.
I will propose the controversial suggestion that some addiction interventions might be unintentionally decreasing a person’s ability to freely make a choice in the space between a stimulus and a response. I will suggest that telling a person that they lack control might be encouraging and/or enabling a lacking of consciousness or growth of a person’s reflective ability.
Balanced Boundaries – a metaphor about giving and taking for the health of yourself and others
I am a wooden vase filled with healing water gently replenished by the collective love… as I pour too little, I overflow and my wood becomes oversaturated and less aware of its own makeup and contents… bloated and blinded with excess… as I pour too much my wood becomes dry and cracked… delicate and injured.
Anger and Arguments – Are you defending the topic or your self?
Quick summary: as part of increasing your self-awareness I suggest that you take a look at the topics that really get you ‘heated’ with the goal of coming to an understanding of how you personally identify with that topic. In this self-exploration you might just find that your emotion has very little to do with the topic and is perhaps more related to: an unresolved occurrence from you past, or an attempt to create a stable sense of who you really are (your identity), or both.
Existential Recovery – Emotional freedom inherent in the choice of meaning
Quick summary: Most of us believe that the outside world is responsible for our emotions, that our emotional dispositions are externally controlled (ex. he/she or this event etc made me feel this way). I am going to suggest that the meaning that you place onto an occurrence in often what you are emotionally reacting to… I will suggest that you have a freedom to choose your emotional experience as you have a choice in what meaning you place on the occurrences in your life.
Vengeance and the Ego
Quick summary: Vengeance is a tool which creates instability in an attempt to create a stable ego.
Past goals driving current choices? – Overcoming your inner teenager
Quick summary: What drives your choices, ambitions and behaviors? I am going to suggest that many (if not most) of us still carry values, goals, wants, wishes, desires etc that we forgot to let go of when we grew into adults. Being a teenager is truly difficult… you believe that you are an adult though you are not as biologically and emotionally developed as you think, you desire independence though you don’t truly even know what it is, you have the goal of being unique and different or the same and accepted… either way it is very important for you to have a uniquely identifiable identity, you want to be right and you believe that you are as life has not taught you that being right is subjective and relative, and you wish things to be fair but fairness was a judgment that required only your input. These teenage goals still encourage many of our behaviors as adults. In this post I will help you explore which goals you may still be carrying that you can let go of after you have gained a degree of insight.