Quick summary: The path to “enlightenment” is indeed a bit confusing and as I was contemplating my own journey I came to an interesting point of discovery. I have not reached enlightenment and therefore do not know exactly what it is … perhaps until you reach the state, the experience of enlightenment in mostly inconceivable; I will offer some interesting notes that pertain to my current journey. I was thinking about how a path of chaos or a path of structure might lead a person to acceptance and compassion (generally thought of as the more important ingredients in an enlightened entity).
I will define acceptance as – freedom from automatic reaction, freedom from automatic categorizing, living in the moment, instantaneous forgiveness, unconditional love and compassion for all, and a drive for harmony and balance with a genuine empathy for that which disrupts the balance.
Category Archives: Mind-Body Connection
The Talking Cure for Trauma – holding freedom – you are the lotus
Quick overview: There are many aspects to the trauma recovery process such as support, empowerment, finding new meaning, and engaging in techniques which help to ‘rewire’ the brain. In this blog I will talk about the benefits of talking to a trusted, supportive and safe person such as a therapist (or to your loved ones or to a group of survivors with the assistance of a therapist). Talking about a traumatic incidence in a safe and supportive setting can free a person to experience repressed emotions (emotions affect us whether we are conscious of their existence or not), to make new meaning of the occurrence, and to become empowered by his/her ability to take control over the subject.
* You dictate your own reality through the stories
Stating your internal feelings – acknowledge for acceptance – resistance is suffering
Quick summary – are you crazy if you intentionally talk to yourself? What about all the unintentional talking (thoughts that your have automatically) in your head that happens all day? I do not remember where I learned the habit of acknowledging my emotions to myself, but I just started the practice up again… and it works great – journaling or writing a dairy has the same positive affects. For this blog post I will skip the science and simply give you some exercises to try. The idea is to say aloud what ever you are experiencing. ex. “I am feeling guilty that the waitress was offended by the way I ordered.” You can also acknowledge these feelings to another person who is available to listen.
Motivation to Exercise – why it is hard and how to make it easier
Quick summary – Therapist are not allowed to prescribe exercise for liability reasons though many of us have an understanding of neurology and the connection between physical and mental health… the research is both abundant and specific (as with most fields we are required to tell you to consult with a doctor to ensure that you are healthy enough to exercise). Much of what pharmacology (taking medication – such as anti –anxiety pills) does is to reproduce the release of neurotransmitters (think of them like chemical signals in the brain which affect or ‘turn on or off’ your thoughts, emotions, your hormone levels and ultimately your behaviors). Neurotransmitters associated with reducing depression, anxiety and stress are often released naturally during experiences such as exercise. Exercise has been studied to reduce stress, sleep problems, anxiety and depression while increasing euphoria, hope, sexual drive and neurogenesis (basically the creation, maintenance, and enhancement of neurons which are the functioning ‘parts’ of you brain.) The association between exercise and the resulting benefits does not happen naturally for reasons that I will explain – you must create the associations yourself
Mindfulness Exercise – notice your senses without judgment =54321 present
Quick overview: I will be offering my favorite mindfulness exercise that will help you to get into the present moment (as opposed to being in your head, which is usually concerned with the past and the future). The technique is very simple and I call it the senses 5 4 3 2 1 – it probably has many different names (I did not develop it). The point is to try and observe or to notice what your senses are sensing without placing judgment on the stimulus. I tend to use sight, tactile (feeling), and hearing… smell and taste can also be used in more specific settings. You will start by listing 5 things you see, then 5 things that you feel, then 5 things that you hear – then 4 of each… then 3 of each etc.
Can you be too close? – Enmeshment and automatic emotions transfer
Quick summary: When I say ‘too close’ I mean to say that there are some relational bonds which are so intertwined that the individuals in the relationship have a difficult time deciphering what is their ‘stuff’ and what is their partner’s or other person’s ‘stuff’. One of the most common aspects of an enmeshed (too close – completely intertwined – no significant boundary between the individuals) relationship is the inability to avoid mirroring or taking on the emotional disposition (mood) of the other person. In such a relationship the individual will empathically ‘feel’ the emotions of the other person and will automatically feel the same way or a set way (if one person gets embarrassed the other will feel embarrassed as well). When a relationship is enmeshed the individuals can also tend to have a limited ability to accept that the other person can hold a differing subjective perception or opinion than themselves (this will be cover in another blog – today’s topic is emotional transfer). Increasing self-awareness while creating an awareness of the existence of enmeshment in the relationship are the first steps towards reducing the phenomenon.
Mindfulness – Why it is helpful and what 'being in the present moment' means
Quick summary – Mindfulness is a state of existence in which 100% of your consciousness is on the present moment (as opposed to the past of the future). It is characterized as being a state which is free from judgment in which you engage your environment with a childlike curiosity and innocents – you see the world as novel. The benefits include a greater awareness of the mind-body-spirit connection, reduction in suffering, reduction of stress and anxiety (which tend to be the result of the mind’s fixation on the future or the past) and an ability to experience the present moment with the full richness of you senses. Many would suggest that a state of perpetual mindfulness is the gift of enlightenment.
Timeouts for adults – conflict resolution and avoidance strategies
Quick summary: Timeouts are not just for children – adults should use them at times as well… the difference being that you should give yourself a timeout, and not your partner (if you tell your partner to go take a timeout you are likely in for a bit of conflict). There are many different things that affect our emotional disposition (our mood)… and there are some emotional states which are not best suited for certain interactions. It is helpful in a relationship if a partners can monitor their feelings and make the appropriate choice to take some space (a ‘timeout’) if they are sensing that they will not being able to engage an interaction with their partner in a constructive, honest or reasonable way. Often we present anger when we have not had the time to understand our emotions for ourselves… if you look back on some of your experiences of anger you will probably find that the underlying emotion (the emotion who truly desired to express) was a different feeling – sadness, embarrassment, confusion etc.
Mantras while you exercise – increase your awareness of your present surroundings
Quick summary – I have long been an avid runner (my dog appreciates this the most). The activity balances my neurology, keeps me in shape, gets me outside, and naturally helps anxiety and stress. Sometimes when I run (or exercise in general) I find it hard to let go of negative thinking – politics, work, a disagreement, things I should do etc. – I have found that if I add positive words to the rhythm of my breathing pattern I can become more aware of the present moment and my present setting. Every breath in (and every breath out) is one rhythmic syllable. Ex. – breath in, breath in, breath out (hu hu haaah) is three syllables – (you could say – I am kind… I hold love… now is nice etc).
Why Feeling Questions? – Emotional Expression Enhances Bonding
Quick summary: Exciting new research done by therapists such as Dr. Sue Johnson (the pioneer of emotionally focused therapy) have added efficacy to therapeutic interventions which help clients to express emotions. By sharing your most intimate feelings to your partner you can increase the overall intimacy and relational strength of your union. This makes common sense if you think about it – when you decide to trust someone and to confide in him or her – most believe that this makes you closer or more bonded to that person.
Relationship Sexually Stuck? – A look at your unwritten rules of engagement.
Quick summary: a simple tweak to the unwritten rules surrounding physical intimacy can recharge the sex life in a relationship. Most people have set rules regarding sex in their relationships… “It has to be…” or “it is only appropriate when…” or “sex is supposed to be for…” A simple suggestion is to write down with your partner why, or for what reason, you usually have sex; then follow this exercise by writing a list of all the various reasons sex is a useful activity in general… use this information to generate different reasons for sex.
My Dog – the personal trainer
Quick summary – If you attempt to change your thinking around activities with your dog from the thought of “I have to walk my dog” to “I get to walk my dog” or perhaps to the exaggeratedly positive thought of “I get to take my dog on an adventure which makes me happy and fit” this will intern have a positive affect on both your emotional state surrounding the activity and it should have a positive impact on the likelihood that you will engage in the activity.