Quick summary – the topic of ‘normal’ or ‘day to day’ sex is perhaps not always given as much attention as could be helpful to the masses. As sexual education slowly decreases while pornography and celebrity gossip increases we find ourselves in a society that does not always know if they are more different or more the same as every one else. I will not pretend to tell you what normal sex is (though I could use a bell curve and list a bunch of stats), instead I am using this space to write about topics with brevity that happen in most people’s sex lives… to normalize events that people might go through.
Category Archives: Sexuality
Why might we be misinformed about human sexuality?
Quick summary: Why might we be misinformed about human sexuality? I will isolate some themes to help people to understand why our at times distorted view of sexuality is actually quite understandable given the circumstances.
Human Sexuality and Stress Management
Quick summary: Sex has a positive impact on stress and yet stress has a negative impact on sexual frequency and desire. I have two suggestions: one, intentionally engage in practices that reduce the distracting power of stress so that you and your partner are more able to focus on the potential of sexuality in the moment, and two, allow your insight and knowledge of the relationship between sex and stress to serve as a motivator to initiate foreplay so that the resulting sex can help you to manage your stress. Either way, increasing sexuality in a committed relationship has been researched to be linked with decreased stress (an incidentally, an increased immune system). If you look at what chemicals (I will be calling hormones and neurotransmitters chemicals for simplicity) are released in the brain when you take anti-anxiety and/or depression medications you will find that your body naturally releases many of the same chemicals during sex (and exercise and unfortunately when eating high calorie foods – this is why we crave items that are not in the best interest of our bodies – increasing calorie intake was historically necessary for survival – now the opposite is often true, but our biology has not changed). Sex does not have all the side effects of medication such as a reduced libido. Sex in a committed relationship (yes the improvements are more significant in a trusting relationship… some of the positive chemicals are not released simply do to orgasm) has a wide range of positive impacts.
‘The Good Enough Sex Model’ (Metz and MaCarthy 2007) – a review and summary
Quick summary: I am offering a review of – Michael E. Metz; Barry W. McCarthy. The “Good-Enough Sex” model for couple sexual satisfaction. Sexual and Relationship Therapy; August 2007; Volume 22 No. 3 Pages 351 – 362 – this is by far my favorite article of the subject of human sexuality… I am very thankful to the authors for putting this wonderful piece together. I use the information from this article all the time with my clients… If you want to help your self or your clients to have more sexual satisfaction within a relationship I would highly recommend you attain this article.
Love with the mind, the body and the spirit
Quick summary: We experience love with the mind the body and the spirit… to maximize the love in your relationship you can focus on all three…
Motivation to Exercise – why it is hard and how to make it easier
Quick summary – Therapist are not allowed to prescribe exercise for liability reasons though many of us have an understanding of neurology and the connection between physical and mental health… the research is both abundant and specific (as with most fields we are required to tell you to consult with a doctor to ensure that you are healthy enough to exercise). Much of what pharmacology (taking medication – such as anti –anxiety pills) does is to reproduce the release of neurotransmitters (think of them like chemical signals in the brain which affect or ‘turn on or off’ your thoughts, emotions, your hormone levels and ultimately your behaviors). Neurotransmitters associated with reducing depression, anxiety and stress are often released naturally during experiences such as exercise. Exercise has been studied to reduce stress, sleep problems, anxiety and depression while increasing euphoria, hope, sexual drive and neurogenesis (basically the creation, maintenance, and enhancement of neurons which are the functioning ‘parts’ of you brain.) The association between exercise and the resulting benefits does not happen naturally for reasons that I will explain – you must create the associations yourself
Why Feeling Questions? – Emotional Expression Enhances Bonding
Quick summary: Exciting new research done by therapists such as Dr. Sue Johnson (the pioneer of emotionally focused therapy) have added efficacy to therapeutic interventions which help clients to express emotions. By sharing your most intimate feelings to your partner you can increase the overall intimacy and relational strength of your union. This makes common sense if you think about it – when you decide to trust someone and to confide in him or her – most believe that this makes you closer or more bonded to that person.
Relationship Sexually Stuck? – A look at your unwritten rules of engagement.
Quick summary: a simple tweak to the unwritten rules surrounding physical intimacy can recharge the sex life in a relationship. Most people have set rules regarding sex in their relationships… “It has to be…” or “it is only appropriate when…” or “sex is supposed to be for…” A simple suggestion is to write down with your partner why, or for what reason, you usually have sex; then follow this exercise by writing a list of all the various reasons sex is a useful activity in general… use this information to generate different reasons for sex.