Is the problem delegating the list? or is the list itself the problem? We live in a time that is simultaneously impacted by entitlement/laziness/compulsively seeking comfort and radically overactive/anxious thought patterns. It can be difficult in creating goals in couples counseling when the two partners perceive the root problem to be different. And we arrive […]
Category Archives: Uncategorized
“Control Yourself!” Who is being asked to control who?
Life has a major dilemma in how we navigate the intersection between community and cultural expectations with spiritual and psychological realities. Further, Ironically ;), the only reason there is a dilemma is that we believe and require for this dilemma to be navigated or controlled in the first place. In relation to the concept of control, the […]
Does laziness cause depression or does depression cause laziness?
There will not be an answer to this question that is true for everyone – instead, I think that this is an interesting question to ask one’s self as the answer would lend itself to a different form of intervention. “Is my depression the result of my being lazy… or does my depression cause me to […]
Choice and quality of life | What choice, if removed, would most positively impact your well being?
the United States is home to many many sub-cultures and there also exists a meta-culture which has a strong influence on all the diverse groups that make up the nation. Perhaps the most prolific attributes of the meta-culture (the US culture) is our love for freedom and choice. Choice is often looked at very dichotomously in our […]
Intentionality and Happiness | How life choices are impacted by purpose
When you reflect on the major life choices that you have been making over the past few years can you identify a theme? what purpose are you trying to achieve? Lately, I have been observing the interplay of intentionality and happiness… the relationship between the two variables is very often symbiotic or reciprocal = Increasing […]
The Relationship between Anxiety and Attention
Attention is a learn-able skill There are many famous quotes and affirmations spoken through the years that point to the humbling truth that most suffering never actually happened … of course this is only partially true as we can all speak to the suffering involved in having a high level of anxiety. it isn’t that […]
Fear, Competence, Values and Anger in Parenting Rambunctious Children
This post will investigate how our perceived parenting competence impacts our fear and resulting emotional and behavioral reactions. We will focus on how fear can lead us into parenting interventions that are not consistent with our parenting values. I was offering a parenting coaching intervention in a couples context the other week and I arrived […]
Parenting Paradigm | a level system to conceptualize parenting strategies
I was in a couples therapy session guiding an enactment surrounding an argument the couple had surrounding a parenting issue over the weekend. Both parties were having a difficult time understanding (cognitively) the other person’s position – though all my work focuses on maintaining connection through encouraging emotional openness, it was clear in this instance […]
Early Childhood Questions to Promote Bonding
I compiled the below questions to be used in an adult couple relationship to help facilitate bonding. When our partners see the depth of our true selves and know the intricacies of our narratives pertaining to our childhood, they are better available to be emotionally helpful. To be known and emotionally held by our partner […]
Choice is Oppression
Wow that is a provocative way to start! of course Choice is also liberation and a billion of other things, but in the post I want to shine some light on how individualism has created a blind infatuation with choice – and how ‘choice’ is actually the very source of our oppression. perhaps the single […]
Accepting, condoning, and boundaries
How do you accept what you can’t condone? what is it that your are accepting? we love people and we want them to behave in ways which will lead to the permanence of things… permanence of our relationship with them. People behave in ways that can hurt us both by insulting our systems of belief […]
A metaphor for the relationship between control and suffering
I often share a metaphor with my clients who find themselves in a time of suffering stemming from environmental conditions that are mostly or entirely uncontrollable. This Metaphor is most applicable in the context of caring deeply for an individual who you cannot control… an individual who is suffering themselves or bringing you significant suffering. […]
Why Democracy Failed
This will be the beginning of a large selection of post concerning the evolution of our systems of government. Our country is hurting… and I want to help in the way that I can. My hope is that we can start moving towards evolving our Government’s operating system to more effectively meet the needs of […]
interregulation – a simpler explanation | regulating communication
For the sake of usability I am going to attempt at a simpler explanation of how communication can cause mutual regulation between two people – Interregulation or co- regulation. Interregulation is when two peoples’ emotional connection to each other causes an activation of the parasympathetic nervous system thereby making both parties feel relieved… connection is […]
It is only fear
Fear used to be super useful on a day to day basis… it kept us from allowing our curiosity to pick up deadly reptiles and such… it kept us in caves when big things were growling… and lurking sure, I guess fear is actually still pretty useful in that it keeps us from walking out […]
Wind Blown Hair (Music Post)
Quick Summary: This is a song that I wrote in 2006ish (can’t honestly remember) that playfully uses sounds and images to paint a feeling. The theme surrounds the wisdom that can be faintly experienced by mindfully holding attention on nature and the seasons while trying to put perception in a space of timelessness. There is […]
Shed Your Old Skin (Music)
Quick summary: This is a song that I wrote in 2008 about the need to change… fundamentally. I was in a time of extremely heavy stress do mostly to my job placement working with children who had (and often still were) experiencing unthinkable trauma. After a period of time of intense burnout/vicarious trauma I started […]
Come to Carry us Home (music)
Quick summary: This is a song I wrote in 2010 as I sat in a rocking chair nervously waiting for the first phone call from my biological parents. The song is about the confusion surrounding identity that results from one’s (my) contemplation about adoption. The first section is the emotional roller-coaster and the second is […]
Parenting Teens with Diabetes
Quick Summary: I will offer two super easy techniques that I use in family therapy to assist a family in structuring itself to best meet the diabetes management needs of a teen. My wife is a senior research coordinator for diabetes and because of such I chose to specialize in assisting families who have a […]
Stopping unwanted thoughts and daydreams
Quick summary: you have quite a large degree of control over where you keep your attention but often there is an exceedingly appealing reward for keeping our attention on the thoughts and imaginary scenarios, which are the source of our dis-ease and stress. The other day in Colorado I had three hours to myself […]