I was in a couples therapy session guiding an enactment surrounding an argument the couple had surrounding a parenting issue over the weekend. Both parties were having a difficult time understanding (cognitively) the other person's position - though all my work focuses on maintaining connection through encouraging emotional openness, it was clear in this instance [...]
Happy Relationship – loving another as yourself – loving we to love me
A relationship is a system... it is a whole with interconnecting parts - and the whole ends up being greater than the sum of its' parts so lets think about this is a 'couple' context - you and your romantic partner (though yes this could apply to any relational system) what are some of the [...]
The Depression Bubble
The Depression Bubble - a metaphor for understanding a loved-one's depression - and compassion and suggestions for the healer... Depression can be like a bubble blocking the person inside from receiving positive influence from the outside world. Inside the depression bubble the person is left to deal with their hopelessness, apathy, sadness, meaninglessness, lethargy and [...]
Early Childhood Questions to Promote Bonding
I compiled the below questions to be used in an adult couple relationship to help facilitate bonding. When our partners see the depth of our true selves and know the intricacies of our narratives pertaining to our childhood, they are better available to be emotionally helpful. To be known and emotionally held by our partner [...]
Choice is Oppression
Wow that is a provocative way to start! of course Choice is also liberation and a billion of other things, but in the post I want to shine some light on how individualism has created a blind infatuation with choice - and how 'choice' is actually the very source of our oppression. perhaps the single [...]
Accepting, condoning, and boundaries
How do you accept what you can't condone? what is it that your are accepting? we love people and we want them to behave in ways which will lead to the permanence of things... permanence of our relationship with them. People behave in ways that can hurt us both by insulting our systems of belief [...]
A metaphor for the relationship between control and suffering
I often share a metaphor with my clients who find themselves in a time of suffering stemming from environmental conditions that are mostly or entirely uncontrollable. This Metaphor is most applicable in the context of caring deeply for an individual who you cannot control... an individual who is suffering themselves or bringing you significant suffering. [...]
Playful Communicative Connection Enactment
As a teacher, therapist, and supervisor I have developed a number of enactment interventions which serve to help clients to better connect with each other. I created many of my positive 'attunement' based enactments to serve 2 purposes: 1.) to create more manageable interventions for beginning therapists who may not have the therapeutic leadership skill [...]
Why Democracy Failed
This will be the beginning of a large selection of post concerning the evolution of our systems of government. Our country is hurting... and I want to help in the way that I can. My hope is that we can start moving towards evolving our Government's operating system to more effectively meet the needs of [...]
What is the purpose of Marriage?
In this post I will share some of the variables that can be experienced from a life long commitment or marriage. The purpose is to create somewhat of a road map to help you and your partner to identify the strengths of your bond and those areas that could use some attention. This could also [...]
interregulation – a simpler explanation | regulating communication
For the sake of usability I am going to attempt at a simpler explanation of how communication can cause mutual regulation between two people - Interregulation or co- regulation. Interregulation is when two peoples' emotional connection to each other causes an activation of the parasympathetic nervous system thereby making both parties feel relieved... connection is [...]
Parenting and Rowboats
There is more than one way to skin a cat they say... and there is more than one way to row a boat, but if there are two people rowing that boat you better find a common way. and so it is with parenting, guiding, directing, and mentoring our young ones. family systems can and [...]
It is only fear
Fear used to be super useful on a day to day basis... it kept us from allowing our curiosity to pick up deadly reptiles and such... it kept us in caves when big things were growling... and lurking sure, I guess fear is actually still pretty useful in that it keeps us from walking out [...]
Breathe before you help others to breathe
You settle into your seat on the airplane and right before takeoff you hear the familiar mantra: "In the event of pressure loss in the cabin, oxygen masks will deploy from the ceiling above you... please safely secure your own mask before attempting to assist others..." We all hear this and end up remaining [...]
Attunement Exercise
In building an empathetic ability it is very important that people first advance their ability to attune to another person. I will briefly explain attunement, then I will offer a practical – easy to use - intervention.
Hope in a space of Hopelessness
Quick summary: In this post I will offer a metaphor that sheds light on a common misperception of hope – being that hope is connected only to concrete outcomes... that hope is a belief that things will one day be what they are not ever to be. Instead perhaps there can be hope for a [...]
Wind Blown Hair (Music Post)
Quick Summary: This is a song that I wrote in 2006ish (can’t honestly remember) that playfully uses sounds and images to paint a feeling. The theme surrounds the wisdom that can be faintly experienced by mindfully holding attention on nature and the seasons while trying to put perception in a space of timelessness. There is [...]
I'm not alone (Music)
Quick Summary: This is a song that I wrote in 2010 about accepting the peace of my current restful space. I was in the process of building up my private practice after about 8 years of working in community mental health. During the building time I was practicing Jiu Jitsu for hours a day. At [...]
Shed Your Old Skin (Music)
Quick summary: This is a song that I wrote in 2008 about the need to change... fundamentally. I was in a time of extremely heavy stress do mostly to my job placement working with children who had (and often still were) experiencing unthinkable trauma. After a period of time of intense burnout/vicarious trauma I started [...]
Come to Carry us Home (music)
Quick summary: This is a song I wrote in 2010 as I sat in a rocking chair nervously waiting for the first phone call from my biological parents. The song is about the confusion surrounding identity that results from one's (my) contemplation about adoption. The first section is the emotional roller-coaster and the second is [...]